Dating someone going through a messy divorce
No wonder withholding, or being gamey, with financial support becomes the only recourse of striking back, or punishing his ex-wife for the hurt he feels she caused him.
It’s not uncommon for men to feel inadequate, and are socially alienated when their marriage ends.As a result, the loss is often experienced as trauma.Though this may sound strong, determining whether an event is traumatic doesn’t necessarily depend on the particular event, but how the individual experiences the event.Meanwhile, the person he once turned to for support and partnership is no longer there in the same capacity and, in all likelihood, feels like an adversary who has little compassion for his struggle with what she’d managed throughout the marriage.This can feel like payback for past conflicts around division of labor, leaving him with a sting of self recrimination.He didn’t choose the legal and financial stresses, giving money to an ex-wife or lawyers he probably doesn’t like; divvying up household items, and then having to purchase items to replace those his wife got.
It’s hard to reconcile providing financial support, while feeling an ex-wife isn’t compassionate, capable of feelings, being nice, or refraining what seems like newly spawned righteousness.
Or If you think your life is better with out me, let me show you how bad it actually can be. But how long before you slip back, or on some level are there revenge fantasies? You may have to ask whether “better” is being mistaken for easier.
This can spur someone to spend thousands on legal fees to ensure his ex-wife won’t get hundreds. The advice often given to people who’ve quit drinking when they feel tempted to drink again is, “Walk yourself through it.” Imagine reconciling, and living together again.
In the emotional and domestic realm, men aren’t necessarily granted these, and often have to start from scratch.
Humorously speaking, all of this is nothing short of a perfectly engineered cluster fuck to the male psychology, especially given a man’s need to be self reliant and the typical difficulty a man has reaching out for help, appearing weak.
But his even greater challenge what to do with himself. Now having all the time he otherwise got flak for when married, he may not know what he wants, or even likes to do. V., gym time, Garageband, or Internet porn one can indulge in, short of risking developing an addiction to it.