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From dating a woman to marrying a man

I was keenly attuned to the compromises associated with being a wife."Why I Want a Wife," an essay in magazine (always on my mother's coffee table), had a profound effect on my youthful thinking.

I was dismissive of "typical couples" with their public bickering.It's difficult to reject something that has rejected you first.Some of my resistance to marriage was driven by my feminist politics.The other night, I met a girl who reminded me of you," my friend Elizabeth said.It was a steamy Saturday afternoon in May, and I was rushing down a narrow Greenwich Village street to buy flowers for my wedding. I never thought I'd marry, even before I fell in love with a female intern at my first job in New York.Although Michael wanted to get married, he accepted that I didn't.

Soon, we were pregnant and living together--an instafamily. I had a child with someone else; I wanted something with Michael I hadn't had with anyone.

On the other hand, I'm aware I appear straight, because bisexuality is invisible (or unbelievable) to many people. I'm really proud of who I am, and I'm lucky that Michael is too.

At our wedding, I forgot the bouquet I had run out to buy hours earlier, so we fashioned one out of some flowers on the table.

But, delectable as it was, at 37, I sensed I was too young to have Skuli be my bedmate for eternity.

I decided to move my love life back to the top of my to-do list. It's hard to know why, but my sexuality isn't some equal-opportunity employer; it has its own logic and serendipity.

(The first three years of my son's life were full with writing, book tours, friends, family, and the seemingly endless dramedies of the little boy with whom I lived.