Online dating ettiquette
Before you make contact with one of your recommended partners, take a careful look at his or her profile.
Ignoring someone – someone who is paying you a huge compliment, in fact – is just flat-out What the hell – was I raised in a barn, she’d ask?More to the point, what are the implications for society as more and more of us are socialized according to the rules of online etiquette?What happens as the functional rudeness of Internet culture invades our face to face lives? One, when in Rome, and two, frankly it’s a lot easier than responding and rejecting, something I have always been very bad at and extremely uneasy doing. If you get approached by someone you don’t find attractive, for whatever reason, you simply hit delete and move on. I began adapting to these odd new cultural mores, for a couple of reasons.Generally, putting things in writing demands greater care than spoken communication - and the speed and ease of email can be both seductive and deceptive.
Always read through your messages before you send them - keep an eye out for slips of spelling and grammar and make sure that what you have written reflects what you really want to say.
Certain topics of discussion should be out of bounds - your ex, your weight, your illnesses, your losses on the stock exchange … And avoid making comments that could be taken amiss …”Your hair looked much blonder in your photo,” or “You don’t really mean to say you believe in astrology, do you?
”, or telling the other person what they ought or ought not to do …”You shouldn’t put so much salt on your food.
None of us likes to be rejected, and if we have any empathy about us at all we’re uncomfortable inflicting pain and/or embarrassment on someone – especially since that person’s only crime is thinking we’re kinda neat. When I first signed up for back in 2010 I didn’t know the rules. It turns out that I much prefer being ignored to being acknowledged in cases of rejection.
I remember feeling obliged, when I got a message from a woman who didn’t interest me, to try and craft a nice reply that didn’t make her feel bad about herself. If there’s no contact, it’s harder to take it personally.
Those aren’t questions you need to wrack your brains over, but when you’re online dating, little points of etiquette really can make a difference.