One of the things I had a meltdown about when we were considering if we were going to get married was, will we be monogamous like people expect us to be?
On our first date there was this great moment where she was looking up at me with those pretty eyes waiting for me to kiss her and I was like, "Wait...that's my move!I don't know why that never occurred to me until we were engaged, but suddenly, I was panicked. The idea of being monogamous meant that kind of thing was over, and that felt so sad for me.When I shared it with my husband, he felt the same way.Polyamory helps me do that without putting all my needs on my husband.Smartphones have definitely been a huge blessing to people in multiple relationships because it's so much easier to make people feel like they're part of your day by sending a quick hello text or a picture of something that reminded you of them that helps keep them close to you even as you have a separate life." We have dates where we make out for hours; we both love that part as much as we love the parts where I tie her up and spank her and make her come so many times we lose count.
I love spoiling her with little presents, playing with her hair, getting adorable half naked selfies from her as a surprise mid-day—all things that are vastly different from my connection with my husband.
Once, my husband had a partner who was just the exact opposite of me, physically, intellectually, even politically. I could just see the way they interacted together; it brought out a totally different side of him. We've been dating for a few years and our connection is mostly sexual.
(I volunteer for the Humane Society and she hunts deer and skins them herself.) We were complete opposite ends of the spectrum and before I met her, I was feeling really uncomfortable with that. We have a fantastic dynamic, my first where I'm strictly in a dominant role.
We don't want to be policing each other, that's not the kind of relationship we want. The most common question I get asked is whether I get jealous. It's an emotion, just like sadness, loneliness, anger, excitement, and joy. You work through jealous feelings just like you work through the rest of your feelings.
You feel it, you talk about it, you make a plan for how to do better in the future.
Sometimes we go months where we only date and have sex with each other, other times we have three dates in a week.