Tips to dating a single dad
They’re quickly discovering what I did—dating with kids in tow is a whole different scenario.One of the biggest issues we face from the get-go is: What do we say to our kids? I asked Toronto psychotherapist Jana Brankov for some surefire tips. Talk to them Trying to hide the fact that you’re dating won’t work. “You need to be authentic because kids sniff us out. Keep it simple Brankov says one of the biggest mistakes dating parents make is telling their kids too much.
They don’t even have to know his or her name at this stage. Reassure them “All kids want to know is that they’re still the most important people in your life no matter what. You can acknowledge their question, assess whether or not it’s one you should answer and just simply tell them that you aren’t going to answer that right now. Then listen, acknowledge and validate—no matter what their reaction is.“This is one of those cases where less is more,” she says.“Provide basic information to a child, depending on age and developmental stage.” And remember: They’re your kids, not your friends.Months rolled along, and surprising feelings clawed their way out of my gut that I was totally unprepared for.I am a reasonably confident, attractive, and competent woman.Other gross feelings crept out of their hiding places in my psyche too.
While I was sometimes feeling starved for attention and becoming riddled with insecurity over it, I would also see these tender, doting moments between Dan and his son and become bizarrely, intensely envious of Dan’s ex who is the mother of his child.
To see how much Dan truly relished his role as a father, the joy that was evident when he was with his son made me yearn for the feeling of having in some way contributed to that happiness.
To know that I was never going to be in any way responsible for “the best thing that ever happened to him” as he was fond of saying, made me angry at a woman I didn’t even know.
I was honestly freaked out at the prospect of meeting his child, but reassured myself that the kid was only three, so if things went awry he still has mostly oatmeal behind the eyes and wouldn’t be irreparably scarred.
Thankfully his son was not a shrieker or a goblin, but an adorable and well-behaved little boy. As our relationship progressed, talk of a shared future together organically emerged.
I loved his hipsterrific glasses and that he didn’t chide me when I used words like extemporaneous extemporaneously.